with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
