Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
