So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
