Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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