You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
