Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
