she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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