I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
