I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
