He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
