i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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