You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
