i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
