wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
they need to just BURY HIM!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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