He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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