I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
