I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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