youre lurking in front of me
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
