mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
