I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
