got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
