Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
