He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
