Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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