Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
