so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My vagina is officially offended.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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