I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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