I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
