"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
