I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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