The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
