Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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