Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
