I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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