So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
