my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
