does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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