sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
