I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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