We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
