If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
