you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
