I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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