oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
only if we run a train.
done.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
