You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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