It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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