Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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