see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
