FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
