im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
