Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is my gift to your gina
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
