she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
